Home with Holly

On the near occasion of my 40th birthday

2006-08-12T10:17:00.000-04:00

1.I'm overweight but in a sexy, curvy lush way. I'm not unhappy about it.
2.I'm the mother of 3 sons and 1 daughter. All but the baby look like me.
3.I have lived with chronic severe depression since childhood.
4.I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, but have had it my whole life.
5.I'm really bad with money, but lately have gotten much better.
6.I'm a really really good cook, my family thinks I should start catering.
7.I'm a total girly girl.
8.I've been called a makeup whore and a cosmetics snob (I think I would break out in hives if I wore Maybelline.)
9.My husband doesn't eat anything I cook.
10.I do a lot of creative writing, but don't share it.
11.I was the geeky kid that got made fun of in school.
12.Then I moved my senior year and was insanely popular at my new school.
13.When I was little, I didn't think anyone would ever want to marry me.
14.I don't feel like myself unless I have acrylic nails on.
15.I have a talent for copyediting and writing.
18.Nobody hires copyeditors without English degrees.
19.I have personally delivered 7 babies without assistance.
20.I miss being an obstetrics nurse.
21.I don't miss night shifts.
22.I would become a doula, but I never had a vaginal birth, so I feel it would be hypocritical of me.
23.I want to learn to sew and make my own curtains.
24.I don't have the patience to learn to sew, much less make my own anything.
25.I never want to buy a minivan ever again.

Ohhhh my birthday is coming!

2006-07-18T17:55:00.000-04:00

Leanne over at The Helpful Housewife has a fantastic mom-she got presents from Stonewall Kitchen. I'm weak in the knees at this site. I need this

for our tailgate planned for the Dallas/Jacksonville game in September.

And this lavender bundle is so simple and so gorgeous!

They've got the barefoot contessa products. I can't imagine anything more decadent than this:

Anyone in my family reading this now knows where my new favorite place for presents it now-I think I like it even more than Sephora!

I'll admit it now-I'm a Big Brother geek

2006-07-16T20:51:00.000-04:00

I love love LOVE Big Brother. It's the only thing that's made summer bearable for me for the last 6 years. Every July I start checking Morty's tv to see what the latest BB gossip is, and the first night there's all sorts of excitement, to see which houseguests I like, which ones I think will win and which one I want evicted first.

This year it's All Stars, people from the last 6 seasons all competing again for the prize. They have gross food competitions with the losers eating "slop" for a week and bizarre Head of Household comps to decide who gets the private bedroom and can nominate losers for eviction. It's high drama all wrapped up in the worst of reality tv and I'm too addicted to it.

See Jane. See Jane decide to renovate her house. Run Jane Run!!

2006-07-16T20:42:00.000-04:00

This a great site for me right now, between jobs and having some down time I've been looking around at my casa and deciding how much I want to redecorate. John and I are going back and forth on whether to sell next year (our house has appreciated almost 100k in 8 years) or to just sit tight and remodel to our hearts' content. Then I was nosing around the domino website and found Be Jane, an all female DIY site.

Now, this isn't your typical HGTV stuff, here they have Projects bymood-now you know you're on a site for women when you can find a project according to where you are in your menstrual cycle. I love it-although I can think of a few more moods to add, like "my husband is a dick" mood or "my kids keep making a mess with their koolaid popsicles" mood or "Dennis Quaid will never marry me" mood.

Check it out-lemme know if you find some project you like, maybe I'll steal it from ya.

Harry Potter + No Life = Crazy People

2006-07-13T10:52:00.000-04:00

Well. Anyone that knows me knows that I've had my share of crazy over the last few years. From friends to playgroups to kids, I've seen and heard all sorts of stuff. This, however, is the penultimate of someone who needs to Get A Life.

Msscribe was an adult that loooooooooved her some Harry Potter. Loved it so much that she even wrote her own Harry Potter stories. There is a whole subculture of adults that are HP obsessed-which is a good thing for JK Rowling since adults have the cash to buy her books.

So, while this is a lengthy read into the excitement and drama of the HP fandom with all sorts of skullduggery like internet stalking, several different logins to fake people, false accusations of death all sorts of stuff. What is even more surprising than Msscribe spending so much of her time doing all this weird stuff is the people who spents days and days at the computer figuring out IPs and doing screen captures just to prove Msscribe was crazy, which if you have any intellect at all, you don't need proof, she's clearly batshitinsane to the rational person reading anything she writes.

Not that internet insanity is limited to people who read fantasy novels. One of my good blog friends has been harassed sheerly because she has some different beliefs than other bloggers. The drama in some SAHM internet groups is completely out of control. Is there a 12 step program anywhere yet for internet drama addicts?

The Chap

2006-07-12T14:34:00.000-04:00

So, myself and quite a few of my friends are "vintage housekeepers"-we love all things vintage, retro, frilly, shabby, funky etc. We love our families and our homes and like the finer things in life, like fresh flowers, laughing children in the backyard garden and in the case of my friend Alison,violet cremes.

Here is a place for our male soulmates. The Chap is a satirical magazine for men in our world that appreciate the art of being a gentleman. In their mainfesto they decry the fast food restaurants that have replaced their pubs and call on men to revolt by asking the chain coffee shop for a pot of Lapsang souchong, a cup and saucer and some toast with Gentleman’s Relish.

The Gift Shoppe has assorted things for the chap in your life, from books to monocles and cufflinks.

The entire philosophy can be summed up by Kevin Spacey: "I find it sad that by not talking about who I sleep with, that makes me mysterious. There was a time when I would have been called a gentleman.”

New Music Video From David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff - "Jump In My Car"

2006-07-11T22:55:00.000-04:00


This is for Flossy-it's David's newest video pimping his Down Under Hasselhoff tour. If you've seen the video in the last post, you can see his youth, his exuberance at being in love, his huge white teeth. In this one, notice the oh tres cool Kitt car, the way his face is baby smooth but his neck looks like wadded up tissue paper. Oh, and the creepy pelvic thrust dancing.

Hey! Don't hassle the Hoff!

2006-07-10T22:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, so my young son has found something in common with the stellar nation of Germany. Namely David Hasselhoff, the singer. Yes, I know that most of us know him as either Mr. Knightrider with the cool Kitt car or as a slightly creepy lifeguard on Baywatch. Apparently though, we have missed the best part of Davey boy-his singing.

Since I found this on youtube, Jason has done nothing but sing "I'm hooked on a feewin" and begged for "david on da compooter". Somehow, now I've become strangely enchanted with the vocal stylings of Msr. Hasselhoff and now the peppy "Hooked on a feeling".

So, please, enjoy this rendition of an easy listening song with an ooga chukka beat and take special notice of the "white boy dancing" he entertains us with. Make sure to pay attention to the astounding graphics work and the twee alien that pops up from time to time for no apparent reason.

Maybe next week I'll share his latest "Jump in my car" which will make you want to wash your brain out with Clorox.

J is for Jessica

2006-07-08T15:41:00.000-04:00

These last few weeks have been trying, to say the least, as Casa Holly. I'm not going to dwell on the sad and upsetting, I want to talk about a wonderful woman named Jessica.

Ms Robyn,a lovely woman herself, organized a tea swap for anyone that wanted to just spread a little sunshine this summer. Luckily for me, she gave my name to Jessica. For anyone that doubts karma, fate or God's hand in our daily lives, on the exact day I so desperately needed that sunlight, I received that package from Jessica. She went so far above and beyond that I literally cried as I opened each carefully wrapped gift in the box.

Since I only have my camera phone now and that won't upload for some reason today, I'll have to just describe the goodies she sent me. A too adorable apron that looks scrumptious in my kitchen lying carefully "tossed" on the counter. A starched and scented linen napkin along with a silver tea ball-a tea wallet to carry with me and hold my tea bags so I'll never have to suffer in silence at Mimi's again with their imitation "tea". She also sent (knowing that sending chocolate to Florida in June is pure folly) vintage candies in a small mason jar-which Jason immediately spied and gobbled down before I could get even ONE! And the most precious to me, a handwritten card, full of friendliness and cheer, which is what I need so much now.

Jessica, your card and the caring you showed towards me, someone you've never met, means so much more than you can even imagine right now. The fact that you took the time to look at my Amazon wish list and order the exact book that I NEED right now speaks volumes about the fabulous woman you are.

I hope we grow into a long lasting friendship.

HollyGoHeavy

2006-07-08T15:38:00.000-04:00

I miss her.

2006-06-20T11:10:00.000-04:00

I was married to my first husband 20 years ago this past February. It was a short marriage, just long enough for me to birth Patrick and Matt Henry and then we parted ways. We were young, naïve and truly believed the Captain and Tenille song “Love will keep us together.” His family detested me. I mean hating me was a family hobby, speaking ill of me and my family to my children was their favorite sport. When he married me, it was in secret-a quick trip to the courthouse on a Monday morning, with him all but looking over his shoulder during the vows to make sure his family wasn’t in hot pursuit. There were midnight phone calls, cards in the mail from his mother with long written prayers asking God to bring her son back to her and away from “that trash”. We went on, trying to make a life as a family on our own, notwithstanding the background of his family’s hostility always looming over us.

Even after the inevitable divorce (immaturity + financial trouble + little family support = nasty breakup), the hurt and anger didn’t diminish, it escalated tremendously. He moved home with his mother and there he has remained for the past 18 years. I was hurt, the children were hurt and even he was hurt. All by his family and their words and behavior regarding me-it was giving me tremendous power in their lives if they had only known it. I went on with my life, remarrying, going to college, having more children while they remained stuck in the morass of their anger and hatred. I couldn’t ever find out exactly why they hated me, they wouldn’t ever give a concrete or clear answer aside from “she’s trash, she’s not good enough for him” diatribe that they trotted out every time they were confronted by friends, extended family or even lawyers and family court judges.

2 weeks ago, he came down to Florida with his girlfriend. It was the first and only time he’s ever been down to see the boys since we moved back here in 1992. It had been almost 9 years since he and I had squared off in court and I had only once briefly seen his girlfriend. This past visit was grand-we talked, we laughed, we cried and we hugged our son with enormous pride when he wore his cap and gown that rainy Friday night. He spent a week here, getting to know his sons and their lives, seeing Patrick’s first apartment, meeting their friends, going to their favorite places. His girlfriend was wonderful, I love her and can’t imagine a more perfect step mother for my sons, the love they have for each other is obvious and the pride she has in my sons is made of a mother’s love.

His mother died this past Saturday. Matt Henry woke me up around midnight to tell me. He didn’t have tears in his eyes or a quaver in his voice. He was very matter of fact about it. I called him on Sunday, just to see how he was doing, without his anchor. His health is poor and he isn’t able to live alone, the 2 of them together were a sad lot that caused a huge amount of worry to his family and girlfriend. He was himself, laughing, telling me in detail how it had happened “so I says, Ma! Ma! Wake up! And when she didn’t wake up I went in the kitchen and called Jeff and I says Jeff! Ma won’t wake up!”. He didn’t really say much other than his sister in law was making arrangements for the boys to fly up for the funeral. It was no different than if he had told me that it was snowing in June up there, just a hint of surprise and amazement but that was it, no grief and no sorrow.

I wondered for years how I would react to her death. I sometimes pictured myself as the mysterious lady in the broad brimmed black hat at the back of the church. Wearing a red dress and a tiara maybe. Dancing a fabulous tango on her grave to the horror of her family. How are you supposed to react to the death of someone who has caused you so much pain? Someone who until her dying day truly believed that you were a terrible person with not even one redeeming quality? What’s the proper protocol-springy cheerful daisies with a banner saying “Oh happy day!” on them or a singing telegram from a midget singing “ding dong the witch is dead!”.

As it turns out, none of the above. I was quiet for a period of time, and then I thanked God that she was who she was. She gave birth to the man who gave me my perfect oldest sons. She was a cantankerous, demanding and judgemental old woman who did everything she could to make me and everyone else who came in contact with her as miserable as she was. I’ll never know her life story and what experiences she had that made her the way she was. In the end, it doesn’t matter. She’s at peace now and I do owe her for what she gave me in her own way-sons, courage, the knowledge that I could survive someone hating me for just being alive, teaching me to never judge someone harshly, to take time to look beyond the obvious.

Rest in Peace Roberta-and thank you.

2006-06-16T09:49:00.000-04:00

It’s hot. I’m baking. Actually, I’m smothering. Summer in north Florida is one of Dante’s Seven Circles of Hell. I leave my house every morning at 8:15 to drive 15 minutes to work. According to the thermometer in my new car, it’s already between 85 and 87 degrees outside. When I get to work it’s about 90 or so and not even 9 am. After I do my 1st half hour of stuff (opening the model, putting balloons outside) I’m literally dripping-oh wait, I’m southern so I don’t drip, I “glow”. So I’m glowing wet and my hair is curling up into puffballs beside my ears.

At times like this I really have to give thanks to God that I wasn’t born 100 years ago. I cannot even imagine my life if I had to wear a corset, crinoline, long dress with a high neck and a bonnet. Now, image having your monthly in August while dressed like that. Whenever we tour the Castillo de San Marcos in St Augustine I always wonder how those women survived a summer here without air conditioning, cooking over an open fire 3 times a day, many times they were pregnant and caring for several children while trying to make a home in a new world very different from their homeland. Even 50 years ago, things were so very different for wives and mothers, when my grandmother was pregnant in the 40s, after she began to show she didn’t leave the house, her family and friends as well as her church didn’t believe it was “decent” to show yourself as obviously pregnant. There wasn’t any air conditioning in Florida and my mother had to work the tobacco fields as a young teenager. My grandmother cooked 3 meals a day over a gas stove in a small cracker house to feed her 4 children and husband. They didn’t have an electric refrigerator, they had an icebox that couldn’t always keep up in the hot summers of Tampa. My mother’s first air conditioner was when she was 24 years old, and pregnant with me.

So, thank you to all the wives and mothers that came before me. You are all much better women than I could ever hope to be.

Pomp and Circumstance

2006-05-31T21:35:00.000-04:00

Please pardon the light posting this week, Matt Henry graduates from high school Friday night. That means:

1-My ex husband and his girlfriend are in town.

2-My mother is planning the party of all parties and I'm anticipating the bill.

3-I'm cramming 6 days worth of work into 3 actual working days.

4-I'm frantically ironing, spray tanning, cleaning and dodging phone calls from family.

Pray for us.

2006-05-26T18:12:00.000-04:00

What kind of grandmother do you think you'll be? That question has been niggling at me for the last few days. We have had some not so great news about my grandfather and that has me musing about the roles my grandparents played in my life and the relationship my children have with their grandparents.

Myself, I totally see me as a Paula Deen type grandma. Very southern, on the chubby side with gorgeous white hair and a smile on my face all the time. I'll be happy to have grandchildren when the time is right, I will be the snuggly spoiling grandma always making cookies (ok, buying Oreos) and playing patty cake and tea parties. I don't want to be called Grandma or Granny or MeeMaw. I want to be either Nan or Nana. I'll always smell faintly of Laila perfume and won't go out until "I have my face on."

My mother couldn't be further from me in style. She's stern and not much on hugs. She makes some mean beef and noodles for Shelby and strawberry bread for Patrick in return for them working in the yard with her. She sometimes acts more like a mom than a grandmother, but now with 8 grandchildren, I think she's mellowing.

My father's mother lives in California with my grandpa. She's never lived near me so time with her was always a treat. She paints and does lots of mixed media art. For years she hand painted china ornaments for each grandchild every Christmas. She was the first person to ever teach me how to make spinach dip (back when nobody on the east coast had even heard of it) and that tree bark is made up of hundreds of different colors and hues.

My mom's mom. Oh how I miss her. She crocheted, knit, made homemade fudge and divinity for my dad, giblet gravy and amazing stuffing every holiday. I have a quilt she hand stitched out of scraps of clothing that my parents, sister and I wore way way back in the early 70's. She loved crossword puzzles and reading and Days of our Lives. My grandma Dorothy-that's the grandma I want to be.

2006-05-25T09:39:00.000-04:00

Thirteen Things about the cd's in my car

1…. Rent Soundtrack
2.. Chicago Soundtrack
3.. Laurie Berkner-Buzz Buzz Buzz
4.. They Might Be Giants-NO!
5.. They Might Be Giants-Here Come the ABC's
6.. Silly Songs with Larry
7.. Booty Songs
8.. More Booty Songs
9.. Jack Jones-The Curious George Soundtrack
10. A mixed CD that John made me of songs that make him think of me.
11. Torch Songs
12. The Cure-Best of
13. Sting-Brand New Day

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She's got Jungle Fever...

2006-05-24T16:50:00.000-04:00

I'm sick, so sick that I left work early today to fall in my bed and cry until a Nyquil induced coma carried me away.

Now I'm typing away in a medicinal hangover since my throat suddenly seizing up and feeling like hot daggers were hacking away at my ears woke me up.

Random tv and hallucinogenic musings:

Ellen DeGeneres is truly silly and funny. Love her.

Kristen Chenoweth might be my first girl crush ever.

Jack Blackalways needs a shower. Even when he just got out of the shower.

Dr Phil is weirdly attractive when I'm medicated.

It's impossible to see Tom Cruise from the good ol days (Days of Thunder) and not feel sad that he's such a freak now.

"Breathe from your hoo-hoo" is my new theme song. If you have no idea what that means, either you didn't see Ellen today or I need to be hospitalized.

Do you want a Mini Me?

2006-05-24T16:33:00.000-04:00

If you couldn't tell by my picture over there, I'm not deluged with offers to pose for any bikini mags. Now, while I'm overweight, I'm also cute as a button. I have some wicked curves and there's not a lot of flab on me, I'm pretty solid in the right places and soft in the perfect areas. In other words, my weight isn't holding me back in any areas-social, professional or medical.

Now I've just found out that I am eligible for either gastric bypass or lap band surgery. My insurance will cover it and well, I'm afraid that I'm caving in to the peer pressure. My good friends Vee and Kelly are both seriously considering going under the knife and they want me to round out the 3some.

Pros: Cute clothes at a much less expensive price.
I can ride the Hulk at Islands of Adventure without my breasts pressed into my spine.

Cons: A basic low carb diet for life.
1 ounce of food 3 times a day for months afterward.
Major surgery with general anesthesia (one of my phobias)
Gross loose skin after weight loss (it even happens when you lose weight the "right" way)
The possibility that it won't be the permanent solution and I'll regain all the weight.

I guess basically I'm not "desperate" enough to really want to lose the weight. I like the way I look (well, aside from PMS days), and I love to eat. It's not so much an emotional crutch as it is that the taste of a pound of butter friend in shortening with sour cream sauce on top. I wonder if I'll just be a cranky thin girl that wants to eat an entire taco at one time.

Feel free to post an opinion, just realize that any "get off your fat a** and go to the gym" comments will be deleted and your karma will be seriously dinged by the cosmos if you're that mean a person.

I'm picking up Good Vibrations

2006-05-21T08:42:00.001-04:00

You may now call me "New Car Girl". Kissing my ring is not necessary.

So, here's where we were at. A 99 Grand Caravan with 150k miles on it that we bought new in 1998. A 95 Mitsubishi with unknown gazillions of miles on it with no air and 4 windows that don't roll down (that's John's car, he likes saunas). I just put 700 plus dollars into new brakes on the van and the starter began to act up.

Soo, maybe it's time to bite the bullet and get a new car. We cleaned out the van but didn't pretty it up too much, if they took it great, if not we'd get the starter fixed and go another year without car payments. I really did want something smaller though, we bought the van when PMS (Patrick Matthew and Shelby) were much smaller and we needed the room. Now most of the time Jason is the only one in the car with us and I wanted better gas mileage when our gas is now $2.67 a gallon.

I wanted a Vibe. My mil bought a Toyota Matrix a couple weeks ago and I felt that was the perfect car for me-the Vibe is the exact same car, just made in California instead of Ontario (not that it mattered to me, Pontiac just had better rebates). We cranked the van 3 times before it turned over and headed to the dealership to spend 4 hours there. I have no idea why it took so long, we were preapproved for the financing, they knew what we wanted and where we wanted to be with payments, but I dunno, I think they thought if we waited long enough we'd figure out we really wanted that Hummer to tow the Vibe for us.

We handed the keys over and began moving carseat, Toy Story 2 book, Laurie Berkner CD's and my Disney World antenna topper over to the new car when the salesman starts the van FOR THE FIRST TIME. Who determines what the trade value is without even driving the car? Of course it wouldn't even turn over. John began cracking up (the first time he'd smiled all day) and said "It's theirs now. Sucka's!!" and drove off the lot in my new car.

Wonder where I can get some New Car Smell essential oil to keep my high going.

Some introductions are in order

2006-05-18T19:59:00.000-04:00

I realized that most of the people reading here probably have no clue who I'm talking about when I refer to CB1, PB or THG. Last year I had a blog that I dearly loved, but chaos reigned and I took it down. The one carryover to this blog was the fact that I referred to my family by cute nom de plumes which make absolutely no sense whatsoever to the new readers. So, from this point on you get the intimate knowledge of my family's first names.

CB1-Cave Boy 1 is Patrick, my oldest son. He's 19, has 2 lip rings and 1 tattoo which I believe he got purely for the joy of seeing raw horror on his mother's face when I saw them. Now I'm used to them and just laugh when he tries to eat a taco and not swallow a piece of metal. He lives across town in a cute 1 bedroom apartment that surprisingly looks fairly clean and even decorated.

CB2-Cave Boy 2 is Matthew, sometimes referred to as Matt Henry. He's 18, graduating from high school in 2 weeks and moving into his own apartment. Not to worry, he's living in the same student housing community I work at, so basically he hasn't gotten away from his mom yet. He's been living with my parents for the past 3 years and going to high school in a small town simply because the high schools here are abysmal.

PB-Punk Barbie is Shelby. My one and only daughter is 15 and the light of my heart. She's actually moving to a small town (see above) to attend high school. I'm saddened to let her go but I know it's the best thing for her. She'll only be an hour away so I still get to see all the stuff I would anyway, only this time there will actually BE a school play or concert to see rather than what passes for extra curriculars here.

Cave Baby-Jason is 3 and my miracle boy. He's recently potty trained (we are the family with the blonde crew cutted boy shrieking "mummy, I went poo poo in da potty!" in the middle of your quiet dinner in a fancy restaurant), still sleeps with his mommy and daddy and says he will until he grows up and gets married. He attends a Christian Montessori preschool and is generally a wild man learning some desperately needed social skills.

THG-that's John, my husband of 8 years. He's the yin to my yang, the cold to my hot, the butter and sour cream on my potato. I'm loud, he's quiet. I'm emotional, he's reserved. I yell, he plays dead. THG originally stood for "the hot guy, harassed guy, insert an H adjective here" but basically, he's just John.

Sara-Patrick's girlfriend. I never knew I could love a girl with stars tattooed behind her ears and fingernails 3 inches long painted with green and gold glitter paint, but God help me, I do. She's responsible, funny, caring and loves my Shelby beyond all reason. She's also in no real hurry to make me a grandmother which just proves how intelligent she is. She loves that nitwit Patrick and I crack up every time she calls him "Pattylicious".

Memories...Light the corners of my mind

2006-05-17T12:36:00.000-04:00

I received this in my inbox today, any other babies born in the 60s might get a nostalgic tear in their eye as well:

IF YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70'S ...You had that Fisher Price Doctor 's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.

You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.

You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)

You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.

You owned a "Slip-n-Slide",on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.

You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once.

You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill".People sometimes thought you were a boy.

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits.

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze.The swing set tipped over at least once.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.

You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle).

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink.!

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off". (Remember Aqua Net hairspray?)

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. With the thermos inside!

You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend. (Uh, Bo of course!)

YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!

It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry. Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassidy..?" (Shaun Cassidy was totally my future husband!)

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.

You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.

You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.

You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real"perfume you ever owned .. .

For better or worse, in hot water and cold...

2006-05-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Tonight I had the first hot bath I've had in 2 weeks. 2 weeks ago yesterday we lost all our hot water. The water in our house is so cold it takes your breath away. Taking a shower burns more calories than a Precor, with the dancing around trying to evade the errant frigid droplet that surprises you in a very personal area. I'm a water freak, every day I (back when we actually had hot water) shower in the morning and take a long hot bubble bath every night. Now I'm hopping around in my shower with tears in my eyes and cursing the plumbing gods.

I miss my steamy bathroom mirror. I miss my makeup melting off before I leave for work because the warm humidity from THG's shower hasn't evaporated early enough. I miss the scent of my cinnamon and fig bubble bath or my ginger lily shower gel wafting through my bedroom. Now it's a quick sudsing with Dial and get the hell out of there.

There's been lots of back and forth on this plumbing issue, very long boring story ending in the words "slab leak", "500 dollars for 4 hours" and "we can't get there til Thursday at the earliest". After I broke down last night and shrieked at THG that SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE was going to get me some hot water if I had to sell my soul for it, he has figured a complicated system of shutting off this valve and opening that blowhole to get me about 3/4 of a tub of scalding water.

I'm so loving my burnt pink skin and fig smelling toes right now.

Mother's Day redux

2006-05-15T14:36:00.000-04:00

So, today I have a nice surprise. CB1 calls and asks if I'm off today, which I am. The plumbers have just left my house after telling me to wait an hour and see if I have hot water yet (we haven't had any for 2 weeks) so I'm just puttering around, catching up on laundry and making a menu for the week.

CB1 comes over and asks me to lunch. He couldn't spend yesterday with me since he works in a restaurant and was obligated to serve everyone else's mother but his own. I wasn't upset by that, it's to be expected. However today was such a nice day-we laughed all the way to Castillo de Mexico, mostly at the choices that PB has on her Ipod ( Hootie and the Blowfish?) and then stuffed ourselves with chips and salsa, enchiladas and rice and beans. Mmm mmm mm. Then CB1 takes me to Walmart to buy me a Confederate Jasmine and I'm gobsmacked. When did my goofy goth boy turn into a responsible young man flipping his debit card out to treat his mom to a Mother's Day surprise?

Cave Baby Cuteness

2006-05-14T22:03:00.000-04:00

So, it's Mother's Day today. Generally moms in my age group don't get a whole lot for Mother's Day-our children are too young to really do things for us and we spend our energy doing for our own moms. Today was fabulous though-

I'm reliving my youth by driving my father's Suzuki Sidekick sans the roof. We (CB2 and Cave Baby as well as myself) drove down to St Augustine to Barnacle Bills for an early lunch with my mom and PB. My dad is in Cali spending Mother's Day with his mother and THG has a cold, so we were just a couple of old women with our kids for the day. After lunch we walked St George St. and poked around in a couple of shops-couple being the key word since Cave Baby isn't the best shopper yet.

When we got back home (PB, Cave Baby and I) I went upstairs and caught up with Alison May at Brocante Home which took a few hours since I've sorely neglected my favorite blogs for a while. THG took Cave Baby to the store for "mommy stuff" while I was lazy. PB made my favorite comfort food, Hamburger Helper Potato Stroganoff while Cave Baby was well, Cave Baby.

Here's where the cuteness comes in. He's so grown now that I catch myself with a lump in my throat sometimes, wondering where in the world my lovely snuggly baby boy went. He wanted to write his name, so he brought me a pencil and an old Target receipt (where does he find this stuff?) and said "J-down and then a fish hook!" while making a squiggly J. Then he said "I'm a draw you a muvvers day cake mommy." When he presented me with the lines and circles on the page I told him how beautiful it was. He said (get ready for the welling up)

"it's because you is on it mommy"

buy the boy a car!

Later he paraded around on the bed, whistling through his toy trumpet and singing "happy muvvers day to you, happy muvvers day to you, happy muvvers day to mommy, happy muvvers day to you"

He sat down next to me with his Blues Clues button book, asking me what I thought Blue was making with her buttons. Every time I answered correctly he lit up and said "good job! Gimme a five!" holding his little hand up for me to slap.

How am I going to ever last when he actually does go off to big boy school??

I'm almost officially babyless

2006-03-25T10:19:00.000-05:00

Cave Baby grew up. Somehow when I went to work I couldn't keep him babyish and snuggly. I now have a little boy.

No more diapers or pullups, now we have Incredibles and Elmo briefs.

He likes to wake up early and dress himself. Usually he goes for a monochromatic look such as the day he wore a crimson sweatshirt, a brick red pair of shorts, barn red socks and a rose colored hat.

He makes his needs known ie: walking downstairs to leave for school he said "I wanna see da Shrek show at Unibersal".

He demands "bezert" every night after dinner.

He thinks he needs to use deodorant just like THG does. And he doesn't want to share it, he needs his OWN.

If he doesn't get what he wants, he'll just get it himself. He asked PB for a hot dog with these specifications:

"Shoolby, I want TWOOO hot gogs, I don't wike ONE hot gog, I wike TWOO hot gogs. NO ketchup, but I wike buns."

PB gave him one hot dog. He didn't say anything, just went to the fridge, got a hot dog, got a plate from the dishwasher and put the hot dog on it and put it in the microwave. Push the start button and voila! my 3 year old is now feeding himself.

Pardon me while I go cry now.

Like Lazarus

2006-03-24T18:44:00.000-05:00

I have arisen...

Seriously I'm glad none of you have my home phone number since we'd have been inundated with concerned phone calls asking about my whereabouts.

No, don't look for me on a future episode of Starting Over.

I did not have gastric bypass surgery.

I didn't just break out of jail and immediately begin posting again on my blog.

Actually, I've just been working. A whole lot. Retail sucks ass especially when you have a family.

Oh, and we went on vacation. We took a cruise and then because I'm a travel junkie as soon as we got home and found out my inlaws were at Disney we decided to prolong our vacation 3 more days. So now I'm tanned and rested.

Oh, and as soon as I got back on Monday, I quit my job.

Grandma's Magic Poo-Poo Remedy

2006-01-02T18:57:00.000-05:00

My grandmother always sent fabulous gifts to my sister and I for Christmas. One year, we had authentic German marionettes, a princess and prince, that she thought we'd enjoy and care for. We were 3 and 4. When she went to Hawaii, we got matching Hula Barbies with real swivelling hips and grass skirts. Her boxes were the ones we always opened first. Now, however, as the number of grandchildren and great grandchildren has swelled, she hasn't been able to keep up. One the far side of 80, we're very happy she remembers our names, anything else is a bonus.

For the last couple years, she sends everyone's gifts to my parents house in one box to be divvied up by my dad. This year, we all got homemade candy. Gorgeous white silk boxes with ziplock bags of dipped chocolates went home with us. Since we had more candy than we could possibly stomach, it was put in the pile with the other things we had. Friday night, when I got home from work, Cave Baby brought me the box saying "Mommeee, I got a 'prize for youuuu", which is code for "a surprise for me". I took a piece of candy out of the box and gave it to him, because it looked like hand dipped chocolate covered cherries, which I don't eat. Cave Baby bit into the candy and immediately began choking like he'd been poisoned. I yelled for him to spit it out and fished around in his mouth to get whatever it was out of it.

It was a chocolate covered...

PRUNE

A chocolate covered prune? WTF? At that point, I stopped laughing and began to get freaked out. I mean, seriously, who in the hell puts prunes in chocolate? I was afraid to call my dad, I didn't want him to worry like I was. Apparently, one of us was going to have to make a fast trip to Cali to investigate some help for her-either she was blind as a bat now and mistakes prunes for something edible or she'd just completely lost her mind. All I knew was that she couldn't be left alone anymore if she was making stuff like that for people.

I called my parents and spoke to my mom-here's the conversation:

Me: Mom, have you opened your candy from Grandma yet?

Mom: No, should I?

Me: Uhh, yeah-I'm kinda worried about her.

Mom: Let's see, we have a pretty chocolate poinsettia, a little molded angel, some nut clusters, why? What's wrong?

Me: Mom, she sent me chocolate covered prunes.

Mom: THAT'S where my prunes are!!! I wondered why I didn't get any!

I now have more information about my familial bowel situations than I ever needed.

Dubya Jay Exxx AARRRR

2005-12-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

My father has gotten me hooked on a new thing, an obsession if you will.

The Bargain Channel.

Let me explain. While I live in a large town, we have lots of little towns sprinkled in the surrounding area. My dad works in one of them, a tee niny burg named Macclenny. Aside from being famous as the home of the state hospital for the insane, Macclenny also plays host to my new favorite radio station-WJXR, The Bargain Channel.

I was driving my father's car one day, and when I turned the radio on, I heard a man hawking CB radio/radar detector gizmos for $19.95. NINETEEN NINETY FIVE!! To listen to this man talk you could make friends over the radio with the same police you were eluding while travelling I-10 to the big city. I was fascinated by the combination of As Seen on TV dreck and country radio personalities.

Since that time, I've bought "magic" calculators which are small vials that include a thin calculator and a "parker style" pen. When you open the vial and twist it, it magically changes colors! Those were 2 bucks a pop, great for stockings this Christmas. I've also bought paper towels in holiday prints, 2 rolls for a buck fifty. A 23 pound whole bone in ham for $39.95 and a spa gift certificate for 24 dollars. For me, the draw isn't in the actual items, it's in the fabulous on air personalities that have been attracted to this small radio station.

In the morning you can listen to Discount Doug, who calls everyone "love", "deah" and "dahlin". After lunch is Price Cutter Paul who ends every call with "have a blessed day" and refers to his wife as "Miss Melissa". Then there's "the Chief" who apparently finds all the deals. He calls in from Dunn Pawn and Jewelry with the 2 carat oval cut Mystic Fire Topaz ring set in 10k yellow or white gold. That's a retail value of $599.00 but he has wrangled 3, just 3 of them for us for just 9 dollars. Hurry folks, we'll put these on the timer and they'll be gone before you know it!

By far though, my favorite is Barbara. She's on at night, when I'm driving home from work. She has the whisky and cigarette voice of your favorite diner waitress, but there's also a girlish sweetness to it. She's just so damn happy to hear from you when you call in, answering the phones with her "dubya jay ex ar" and then her scratchy "hello hunny!" when she recognizes a voice of a frequent buyer. Last night she nearly had a seizure when Leon told her that he was going to offer the "magic cleaner" in the next segment. It's too bad I got home before I could find out just how much the magic cleaner was going for, I could've spent my morning sitting at the station with all the other addicts, waiting for my turn to pick up my order of 95 cents worth of ammonia and water.

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

2005-12-20T11:44:00.000-05:00

The sun is shining today for the first time since last week. Saturday we had a monsoon here and since the mall I work at is actually called a "lifestyle center", it's in a strip mall style. Soooo, we had NO traffic whatsoever. That was fine with me because I got a lot of stuff done that put us ahead of setting up our post Christmas sale.

Poor Cave Baby has some sort of jungle plague that's going around town. He has been sick since last Thursday with a productive cough, lethargy and an intermittent fever. This is day 5 and from what the ped said, it lasts about a week so hopefully he'll feel better soon. THG and I both have taken PTO days to stay home with him and hopefully he'll be back in preschool tomorrow or Thursday.

I finally figured out why I'm having such a difficult time getting all Christmasy and it hasn't really got anything to do with the fact that I'm working retail and have overloaded on Christmas carols already. I walked through the garden center at Target the other day to shortcut through and smelled all the live Christmas trees! The Fraser fir scent immediately made me almost giddy-and I realized that since we have a fake tree our house doesn't have that Christmas scent. I bought some candles and other things but nothing really comes close to real branches. Luckily Target has thriftily saved all the branches that they cut from their trees and are selling them to sorry homeowners like myself that don't want the mess of a real tree.

Seriously, it's been this long?

2005-12-13T13:11:00.000-05:00

Wow, over a month since I've even had time to visit my own blog. For some odd reason, I have some spare time today-so let me catch my breath.....

Cave Baby is now in preschool. It's a private Christian preschool and he also attends "extended day" on the days I work late. It currently has grades up to 3 and will add a grade a year so hopefully he'll be able to just stay at the school rather than going to public school in 3 years.

I'm still working insane hours, up to 50 a week, but will cut down to 30 after the 1st of the year.

I bought a new car! Yay me!

CB1 begins college in 3 weeks and has been working full time-we'll see how long he can keep up 2 full time pursuits without dropping from exhaustion.

PB is still the same, she's actually doing very well at school now and is seemingly happier than she's been in a while.

CB2 is flying high through his senior year-his Hi-Q team was the only undefeated team in the state and since he was the captain he's extremely proud!

The weather has finally turned cool so I can wear my sweaters to work.

I know this is a hugely boring post, but honestly I haven't got anything to talk about besides work which is also boring to everyone but myself.

Oh, and one thought for the day:

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Please. I beg you

2005-11-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is screaming towards us. Which means lots and lots of shopping!!!

Shopping for gifts

Shopping for holiday parties

Shopping because everything is on sale

When you're shopping at any store aside from Wal Mart or Old Navy, please take pity on the staff and bring them the clothing you decide not to buy. Let them put it away. If you would like a particular size of sweater, ask someone to get it for you. It's not as much fun as digging through them yourself, I know, but trust me-we will be loving you at 11 that night when we don't have to refold 117 sweaters that weren't the right size.

If you want a new bra, skirt, black pair of pants, jean jacket or whatever then just ASK US. We know these things better than the recipe for chocolate chip cookies. We would LOVE to find that perfect apparel item for you. We would be thrilled to bring you 2 or 3 of the close to perfect bra and take away the ones that you don't like. We are NOT thrilled to pick up and rehang the 32 bras you selected yourself and left on the floor of the fitting room.

We who are bastions of the fashion industry have families, favorite tv shows to watch, feet that hurt and beds we love. We would like to be remembered as your humble servants who half the day live to serve your lingerie fantasies and the other half the day to pay our children to rub our feet.

You a meanie

2005-11-01T09:38:00.001-05:00

the above was uttered by Cave Baby about a half hour ago, when I wouldn't allow a breakfast of Coke and Starburst.

Cause ya gotta have friends....

2005-11-01T09:38:00.000-05:00

Those of you familiar with my previous blog may remember "A Tale of Two Playgroups" and other posts about the group of women I was friends with. You may have also noticed the distinct lack of mention of frienships in this blog.

It's because I don't have any.

Last October, I joined a playgroup, ostensibly to have other children for Cave Baby to play with, but more likely for me to have other stay at home moms to hang with. Quickly, I fell in with the organizer of the group and suddenly I was the "cool girl", the one to invite to all the parties, the one to impress, and my clique of friends was the one to be in. It was all very high school, but I liked that because this time around, I was popular and well liked, the opposite of my youth where I was one of the unpopular drama geeks.

In February, there was an anguishing and drama filled falling out and I left the playgroup amid tears and accusations of disloyalty and treasonous activities with another playgroup. (ok, stop laughing, I KNOW we were all supposed to be mature mothers here) It didn't bother me, I was already in with another cool group of friends.

Again, in August there was another harrowing week or so of crying and screaming accusations. The difference is, this time I learned my lesson. I didn't want to be friends with anyone anymore. Suddenly, everyone was suspect to me, even friends I'd had for years that had no dealings with anyone at all in a playgroup. My therapist had been not so gently trying to warn me about the bizarre dynamics of the groups I was involved in, but the truth is, I was reveling in being popular.

It was the first time in my life I was liked and appreciated. Or so I thought. In taking a break from friendships with other women, I realized how many friendships in my life I've deliberately refused. CB2's 5th grade teacher really liked me a lot. She really wanted to be my friend. There were invitations to dinners with her boyfriend and THG. Family events we were invited to. For some reason, I avoided her phone calls until they just stopped coming. She's just one of many women that have made overtures of friendship to me in the last several years that I've rebuffed.

Why is that? I can understand some caution now, after the events of the last year, in forming new friendships, but this was years ago. Now, I don't really have an interest in forming new frienships. I have work, which I really like, and my family. For the first time, that seems to be enough for me. I work with all women and for the most part, I like them, but as far as very close personal friendships, I have no interest in them.

Odd. Especially for me.

Zoom Zoom Zoom

2005-10-18T11:32:00.000-04:00

Wow. Things have been insanely crazy at Casa Holly lately. Big update:

My boss loves me.

My bosses boss loves me.

My bosses bosses boss loves me.

What does this all mean? Aside from generous boosts to my self esteem-so far it's meant an out of range payraise and the certainty of a promotion. A big promotion. A position where instead of making fun money for myself, I will be making money that will actually contribute to our household income.

I love my job, I truly do. I look forward to going to work every day. When I'm not working, I"m usually on the phone with my boss talking about work. It's hard work physically, I'm on feet the entire time, running to grab clothing and wrestling mannequins for displays, but seriously, I love it. I think it's my niche.

I've begun a personal shopping service at our store for our cardholders. They call the store and book an appt with me for 2 hours of my time, in which I'll fit them for the right size and style of bra, teach them about undergarments, fabrics, shapes, line, proportion, color and balance in their clothing choices. I'll help them put together a wardrobe or outfit that makes them look their best and explain why it works so well for them. I'll tell them how to organize their closet to maximize their choices of clothing every day and how to mix their separates to create more outfits than they currently have.

I've been doing this for a while now, it's just what I do when people come in and I have time. So far, every person I've worked with has bought between 300 and 1000 dollars worth of clothing and accessories. Our Cacique penetration has hit goal for the first month since we've opened and we've hit our sales goals all but one week since I've been there. So far, I've got the second highest sales of the year in our store, and I've been there 6 weeks.

So, I'll be checking in as much as I can. My hours are crazy, some days I open the store and others I close, some days I do both.

Cave Baby has a new catch phrase "you woozer". This comes from CB1 and his girlfriend Sara play fighting with each other and calling the other one a "loser". Since Cave Baby has a lisp, it comes out "woozer" which is hysterically funny to anyone that hears him. It's so difficult not to laugh when he has his hands on his lil hips and says "you all WOOZERS!" and then stomps off.

PB is now wearing very cute Emo glasses, courtesy of irritated eyes from her contacts. She is so very pretty with her long brunette hair and huge blue eyes.

I got my hair cut on Friday, it's a shoulder length shag-I need to take a picture and update it on here. I love the fluffy way it curls up and looks so sassy. It's the perfect cut for my round face. Next week I get blonde highlights!!! Yayyyy!

My natural nails have grown out. Seriously, if you're tired of acrylics but your nails are trashed you have GOT to get some Nailtiques Formula 2. My nails are past my fingertips now (and that's about a good 2 inches of growth for me)and strong. I want a classy short manicured look now, so they're exactly what I want.

I'll be back in a day or so when I have more news. I've missed my online time and catching up with all the blogs I read.

I know, I know

2005-09-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

I've been seriously MIA lately. But I have a good reason!

I went back to work PT, well-it might go FT sooner than I thought. My boss called me yesterday, to offer me a management position! I've literally worked less than 20 hours there, but they had an unexpected opening. They had planned on fully training me and then approaching me about stepping up, but they had to accelerate things.

I meet with the "Big Boss" tonight and will find out for sure at that time what's going to happen.

I'm actually really excited about the possibility of going back to work on a serious basis. Cave Baby desperately needs some other child interaction and I'm loving the merchandising and adult talk I get!

Friday Roundup

2005-09-16T08:45:00.000-04:00

Since I haven't posted for a while, and I have lots to say, I'll put it in one post today so you can read at your leisure (now, why when I "heard" that in my head as I was typing, did the word "leisure" sound like "lezzure" rather than "leazure"? Have I suddenly adopted Madonna's faux continental accent or something?) and then you'll be totally caught up on everything rather than 50 posts that you won't want to read. So, here goes:

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls: come see the Amazing Cave Baby as he pee pees and ocasionally does more in the potty!! See him whip off a diaper faster than the eye can see! Watch him scramble up on a Blues Clues potty seat with shocking dexterity! Marvel as he counts out squares of toilet paper!
Really, it hasn't been that exciting to anyone but me.

Well, I now have my own small cottage biz AND I've also gone back to work in the outside world! I went into a major plus size retailer that I've worked for before on a whim Saturday night, and had a job inside of 5 minutes. Can I just say that I am truly a kick ass salesperson when it comes to something I love, such as clothes and makeup? So, here's what I do-I sell clothing to plus size women.
I have this faint vision of myself down the road as an image consultant for plus size women. I already have my plus size friends coming to see me for fashion advice and asking me to shop with them, so maybe it's not so farfetched.

Well, we have a family bed as I've told you before. Believe me, it wasn't intentional. I'm not an unshaven vegan extended breastfeeding kinda girl. Seriously not one of those. When I used cloth diapers it was purely for the cuteness factor. So, when Cave Baby sneakily wormed his way into our bed, well, it was different but a nice different. Besides, I like seeing him next to me sleeping with his long lashes and freckles scattered across his cheeks.

The dog-that's another matter entirely. He, like Cave Baby, can NOT sleep unless he's touching you. But, unlike Cave Baby, he wiggles and snuffles and scratches and farts and runs in his dreams. All right on top of my thigh. Is it any wonder I am waiting for my skin to turn green and a house to drop on my head?

I feel pretty, oh so pretty! So pretty, and witty and gay!

2005-09-15T05:50:00.000-04:00

So, while I know you've missed me (despite the lack of comments here) I've been partly busy and partly waiting on my new outfit.

So, isn't this beautiful? And really, it's very me. Cat of Blog-Togs worked very hard to design a blog that reflected the inner me. Because all the graphics I liked were copywritten (go figure) she designed this graphic by hand for me.

If you're in the market for a new design, template or skin you really need to check Cat and Anna out. They've both done designs for me (Anna did my favorite one at Hollygoheavy) and personally, I think they're fabulous. Their also shockingly affordable fees are almost completely donated to charity, with just a small bit taken out for overhead.

Really, check them out.

So, on to the rest of the story. I've opened my own ebay store! Yes, I did! That's partly what's been keeping me so occupied, because it's taken off better than I ever dreamed it would. I specialize in plus size fashion and wow! I had no idea how well it would do! You can check it out with the link over there to my auctions, and my store is called "Dress to Kill". So me.

I'm sorry, I can't help it

2005-09-09T20:08:00.000-04:00

but this had me giggling for an hour.

Thanks to sordid affair for posting this.

Heartbreakingly beautiful

2005-09-09T19:52:00.000-04:00

If you read just ONE more thing about New Orleans and The Hurricane

make sure it's this.

Take your time, really look and study the photographs. If you've ever been to New Orleans or even if you haven't, you'll come away with a deep sense of loss.

Finally-I can understand what they're saying!

2005-09-08T12:00:00.000-04:00

Dictionaraoke Songs "sung" by online dictionaries.

Make sure you go listen to "Highway to Hell". Believe me, it's worth the download.

How cool is this dress?

2005-09-08T10:30:00.000-04:00

I might frame it and hang it on the wall...just kidding!!

Have dinner and help out the Red Cross

2005-09-05T14:04:00.000-04:00

Nick at Nite is sponsoring the Family Table Night on September 25th, and for every family that pledges on the website to sign up, Nick at Nite will donate $1 to the American Red Cross. Not a lot, but every little bit helps!

Moving Pictures

2005-09-04T22:23:00.000-04:00

New Orleans

So in love...

2005-09-04T21:11:00.000-04:00

with him.

Seriously, have you been watching Anderson Cooper? I swear I'm compelled to throw my panties at the tv some nights while he's on there. As smart as Bill Maher and 500 times sexier.

A Lost Art Form

2005-09-04T16:15:00.000-04:00

So, I have some plans for this month. On the 23rd, Sarah (Patrick's girlfriend, her picture is to the right in the Flikr show, she has the long hair and pierced lip), Stacey, Casey, Melissa, Michelle and I are having a night out. We'll be going to see Fluffgirl Burlesque at a nightclub here. It's going to be quite the night. We're all dressing up and Stacey has marked her book out so that she can style our hair that afternoon. I'm still hunting Stacey's dress for her. She wants a full circle skirt and tight jacket a la the Dior New Look. I'm going in a slim cut 30's bombshell dress. Sarah is all set with her corset dress.

I was surprised to find out that apparently not too many people know about burlesque dance. I had to show Stacey the documentary I have Pretty Things that was on HBO (still might be on demand) that shows just how talented and beautiful the original strippers were.

I also have GoGoRobics by the World Famous Pontani Sisters which is a whole lot of fun to work out with. Another dancer I get a kick out of is Miss Dirty Martini who is a gorgeous blonde curvy bombshell that fan dances all over the world.

What I love about burlesque is that it's a dance, an art. There's such style in moving your body and removing just the essential clothing to make people think that they see more than they really do. The burlesque stars of yesterday and today are women that are comfortable with their bodies and with their sexuality. They're happy to be women, actually they relish in their feminity, no body image issues for them-how could anyone want to possess anything other than lush generous curves and miles of creamy skin?

Burlesque dancing, for me, would be a private one customer show. That's just because I'm married, though. If I were a single woman, believe you me, I'd be up there thrusting my hips from side to side to a drumbeat. Because while I might not be conventionally "sexy" when standing next to a modern stripper, sugar I am exactly what the burlesque doctor ordered.

White Trash Friday

2005-09-02T17:16:00.000-04:00

My friend 3T just moved into".a new trailer park and I'm hoping to be approved by the zoning commission, so I figured I'd go ahead and post my picture for "White Trash Friday".

Here I am, only 5 months pregnant with Jason, IN A BATHING SUIT! Notice the beer cans, wet kids and semi naked hairy guy behind me as well as the inner tubes.

Possible TMI Ahead

2005-09-02T11:40:00.000-04:00

We didn't start out planning to cosleep with Jason. It just happened. He slept in a crib in our room since our 4 bed, 2.5 bath was already full to bursting. At about 10 months, he gradually snuck into our bed, first just to fall asleep, then he would wake up when moved, then I got used to it and well now, we don't have a snuggly cuddly baby powder smelling bundle between us, we have a half grown, talkative and VERY inquisitive little boy sprawled between us.

Part of this is me, every time he sleeps somewhere else (which is maybe 2 nights a year) I can't sleep. Now, though, one of the big boys (Matt Henry) has moved out, we have an open bedroom and it's Jason's turn to move on up to a big boy bed. I was dragging my heels a little, until 2 nights ago:

It's about 10:30. John and I are feeling sad over the events in New Orleans, begin to count our blessings and well, then that leads to some appreciation of each other. Or more specifically, each other's body parts. Now, showing your appreciation with a near 3 year old in your bed is tricky. So, John maneuvers over Jason and lay down next to me. Within 5 minutes there are hoarse, broken hearted sobs from the other side of John and Jason crying "I want da middle BACCCKKK!!". So, John moves and Jason gets the middle back. We wait a half hour to make sure he's asleep and then John gets up, walks around the bed and slides in on the other side of me. We're going to be slick and get this done, pronto.

"Where's my daddy at?"

"Uh, in the bathroom."

"I go get him."

So John does a quick crab walk back to his side of the bed, begins to soothe the kid and we wait some more. At this point, I'm overwhelmed with shame at the thought that I am even considering carnal pleasure with my young child in my bed. Then I realize it's either that or we will soon (very soon) be having less sex than the geeky boy you knew in high school physics class. So I start laughing.

"Mommy, no waffin! I try to sweep!"

I still keep giggling, the whole situation seemingly so absurd, that I would never have imagined myself at 39 sleeping with a 2 year old and being celibate.

"Mommy, you haffa hold me to sweep."

Ahhh, ok. Celibacy ain't so bad.

Hurricane Katrina Relief

2005-08-31T09:12:00.000-04:00

I know I don't have a great deal of readers anymore since I've switched my domain, but just in case anyone stumbles across here is some information:

The Salvation Army is taking monetary donations online. $100 will feed a family of 4 for 2 days, provide 2 cases of drinking water and a home cleanup kit.

The Salvation Army

The United Methodist Committee on Relief has PDF files that list items needed and directions to assemble relief kits (a good activity for children) of all kinds. This page has the links to the directions and how to get the kits to UMCOR.

UMCOR kits

Manna from the heavens

2005-08-30T12:13:00.000-04:00

I found a blog today that is all about ADHD and money. That speaks straight to my heart. Surfing from there I found a LOAD of financial planning for dummies type blogs. I've been reading and soaking them all in.

It's very difficult to totally turn around your behavior and attitudes with money, especially with ADHD. But I'm going to do it. Just watch me.

Bow chicka wow wow

2005-08-29T20:14:00.000-04:00

Considering my fairly recent interest in burlesque dancing and stripper culture, this page seemed like fun. I found it via Jen's page.

While this chick doesn't look much like me (glance to the right), she's as close as I could get with their limited options. In any case, Shelby and Jason have watched over and over and collapse in laughter every time.

WHY???

2005-08-28T18:56:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know a lot of you are Bush supporters but this really has me upset. We have a major catastrophic hurricane heading right towards New Orleans, one of the cities with the highest rate of poverty in the south, so you have almost 100 THOUSAND PEOPLE, that are not able to leave the city.

Small children, elderly and infirm residents and people living paycheck to paycheck who have no money to pay for gas or even a car to leave town are stranded in this city. And WHERE is our president?

On vacation.

Look, you wanted this job. You fought, lied, cheated and stole to get this job. You lead a country that is in the middle of a war that has your citizens being killed and maimed, not to mention separated from their families for months and years at a time. None of them holding a gun in the middle of a sandstorm in 100 degree heat while wearing 40 pounds of gear can take a vacation.

If you lead our country, then dammit LEAD our country when we need a leader. As long as any American is in danger of harm, whether from war or a natural disaster, you should not be on vacation. You should be at work, taking care of the very people that you are supposed to be protecting.

Get steppin.

Upon the occasion of my 39th birthday

2005-08-28T11:14:00.000-04:00

I was sick. Desperately and horribly sick. John and I have contracted some sort of jungle plague that comes around every hundred years or so. I am beginning to believe in the mind-body connection, because ever since June something has been wrong with me physically, coincidentally I was in the middle of one of the most emotionally stressful periods of my life. Thankfully that is over now so hopefully my body is just getting rid of the last of the toxins I banked up.

While I was lying around doing nothing but wishing my ear would stop hurting, I began to think of what profound things I could put on this blog. I began reminiscing about my life, things I remembered about my childhood and early adulthood etc. Then my mind wandered down a different road. I'm 39. Let me make the changes now, in this last year of my 30s, that I want and feel are necessary. Next year I'll be 40. At that point I will be "middle aged". Next year is the year for waltzes down memory lane. This year is for being young, full of promise, hope, ambition and excitement. So here we go:

Every day:

I will curl my eyelashes.
I will wear perfume.
I will fingerpaint or color with Jason.
I will make sure I have at least lip gloss on when John comes home.
I will make my home and family my 1st priority.
I will remind myself how lucky I am and how much I have to be grateful for.

This year:

I will go to Las Vegas just for the experience.
I will put money in savings every month.
I will eat healthily most of the time, because I want my body to last another 40 years.
I will spend more time with my parents, and tell them I love them.
I will write my grandmother every week.
I will be sensible in my friendships.
I will share my writing with other people.
I will learn to love myself.

New House

2005-08-24T19:01:00.000-04:00

I've moved to blogspot-I know blogger isn't the best blog platform around, but it's FREE, which means a lot to me these days. I'll be moving some of my posts from my old blog over, but not all of them, I want my blog to go in a different direction now that my life is changing. Stick around, hopefully you'll get something out of my musings.